I didn’t think it actually would bother me so much… But the fact of the matter is I have woken up and I feel really shaken. It had not fazed me this week, but whatever I may have been dreaming of last night and the in-my-face fact that tonight is THE last night, has just left me feeling rather emotionally fragile.
Whenever my mother tells me how much I have changed/grown/matured/learned whilst I’ve been away, I always just shrugged it off. I suppose that these changes are almost invisible to me when I am in the middle of them. But then I do think back to who I was, what I was capable of, what I stood for before I came to university… and I see it all clear as day.
I wasn’t ever shy, but my confidence has increased so much that I can walk into Locos on a busy day and only know 2-3 people there but join in their fun whilst completely sober. I can stand up in the middle of a crowded lecture theatre and deliver a speech or presentation. I feel assured in my abilities to run a sports club, to coordinate my own events, even to write pretty awesome essays!
It may be the biggest cliche to say this, but… it has been the best experience of my life. I have my main core group of friends (my current flatmates and the my original hip hop dance family) whom I hope to be in frequent contact with for many, many more long years. But what about the multitude of other friends and acquaintances that this university has blessed me with? I don’t want to say goodbye. It is such a community feeling to walk through campus and always see people you know, and then stop for a hug and chat. It is going to be the most lonely experience to move from the Brunel Concourse to the street of central London where the people stop for NO ONE.
If I were to be truly honest with myself, this could all be because I do not want to let go of the first experience where I felt as though I truly belonged. I was ‘that girl’ in school who would rather be reading a book on the floor in the corner of the playground, answering questions in the classroom or spending her lunch in the dance studio doing sit ups rather then sneaking out the back for a cigarette or bullying the other geeks. Fuck school. Love university.Everyone here is accepted. Even that awkward nerd in the corner. Brunel gave me the opportunity to come into my own, to fully embrace, appreciate and love what it is that makes Hooch the Hooch. And for that, I will always have a special place in my heart for Isambard Kingdom Brunel and his students of life.
Amendment added 27/05/2013: I realise now that the main (often unnoticed) thing that I have learned whilst at university is that EVERYONE has insecurities. But the trick is being proud of your attributes and highlighting them in a way that makes your flaws go unnoticed. Confidence is key. Even if you don’t feel confident at times. Just fake it. That is what I do 🙂